What does a path to healing and or repair look like?

I was invited to contribute to a book on grief, something I discussed with the woman who’s putting together a compilation of essays, art, recipes and more - is how most of us do not have individual systems in our lives to assist us through many of the supremely challenging aspects of human life. Even if we are fortunate enough to have an amazing external human support system and find a perfect therapist, much of the essential work we need to do is a solo endeavor. As I’ve been saying for many years now, ‘selfwork matters’. 

My gradual recovery from what some deem one’s dark night of the soul has presented me with the opportunity to consider and design my personal models for addressing grief and recovery from the physical and mental toll of dredging up deep trauma, assessing then addressing the byproduct of unhealthy recurring patterns in my life. There’s so much to consider and overwhelming when pondering your existence as a whole, especially in the midst of healing with some wounds still fresh while others are close to being fully gone. I’m returning to a place of stillness and the equanimity which once was my norm. At times I felt it wasn’t possible. High-key frightening, but necessary at least for me in this life’s expedition. Contrast is a ‘mother’ you know what.

I’m leaning towards joy like a flower to sun. Being intentional about my day to day actions. Firing off new neurons reestablishing my connection to the abundant light within, which was quite dim while I investigated my shadows. Emerging from the depths and stepping back into the light my skin is regaining color. Life is brighter as the days progress. Clarity of thought after periods of brain fog is so invigorating. Liberating even, as my imaginary shackles fall to the ground, allowing me to move freely once again.

I took a walk today, people watched then stopped in a local record shop. First record I noticed upon entering, eyeing me from its section of a wooden bin it stood in, was Luther Vandross’ Never Too Much. Immediately after dropping the needle my energy shifted while listening. My body began to move. Cue nature’s drugs D&E (dopamine and endorphins.) It's easy to forget how simple it is to switch one’s mood. Needless to say for me, an integral part of the systems I’m activating incorporate music and movement. The great thing about building a system for yourself is you get to choose the modalities and cater them to your specific needs. You in a sense are crafting the magic of your life by realizing and exercising your autonomy. You don’t need permission to heal, grow and be self-actualized. It’s why the f*ck you're here. 

Build your systems if you have not already begun to engineer them. Modify the ones you have if they need to be tweaked and updated.

Be well. 

C. 

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